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About Digital Art / Artist Core Member NobenFemale/United States Group :iconaltermetawebcomic: AltermetaWebcomic
 
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  • Mood: Anxious
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What happened to Altermeta.
I've had a lot of people asking more frequently lately, so I'll give an answer...

The short summary of what's going on: It's on hiatus til further notice.

A quick summary of what happened: I went through a series of negative events concerning my art that happened one right after another, and coupled with my living situation, I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle to emotionally keep my head above water. By the time I was thru it all, the comic seemed like a huge weight to lift back up and carry further, couple that with massive depression that lasted years, I'm still recovering to look back at my project and pick it up again. I basically let a lot get to me and had to take a break for an unknown length of time.  Nothing's changed, I'm just on a huge break from it.


Alrighty... So... If that's all you came to see, that's about all you need to read. Other details about it is further down.


This is stuff that I've been fighting with myself to say or not. But I figure maybe it's about that time to answer: Why is Altermeta on hiatus?

Well... back in October of 2012 something really heavy took place and I'm still reeling from it.

It was about a year after my self-esteem was utterly curbstomped by a furry convention two years in a row (it's of the many events concerning my art, a story for another time, but it's key here because it consumed my thoughts day in and out for well over a year at that point in time. The convention had come and gone twice in that time, and after gritting my teeht and putting up with it, it turned out to be a huge catalyst for my depression). To get my mind off of things, I did what I do best, I wrote and I drew. Well, one day I was at my desk writing while my husband was playing games at his computer across the room, facing me. I was on a roll with typing away, and things were going really smoothly. But then suddenly I felt like I couldn't focus. Everything seemed all jumbled up in my head. And then it was as if all the stories I had locked away in my mind had just shattered unexpectedly. And I mean literally... It's like.. If I could describe it visually, it was as if the paragraphs upon paragraphs of text in my mind were breaking apart into individual words and letters, and then faded into nothingness. It was very disturbing, I remember it rather vividly.

Physically was a whole different matter. Right when that all happened, I began to see in tunnel vision for a few seconds, and it got down to just small port hole circles I could barely see thru. And as fast as it came on, the tunnel vision went away. I lost a little time there, because the next thing I know, I was crying for no reason and my husband was coming over to me asking what was wrong. I didn't remember him getting up, I pretty much just woke up out of this episode of whatever was happening and he was just there consoling me, very suddenly. I still don't know what happened, for all I know I might have suffered a minor stroke, but I think it was just a panic attack of epic proportions.

Either way, I don't want to talk about it any more than that. One thing for sure, I've not been the same since then. When I tried to write again, the stories weren't there. I reflected a lot since then and came to a conclusion that I've not talked about with many people.

The thing is, I just I wanted to tell different stories after that event. And I mean very different stories, old ones that got buried beneath the stories I was TRYING to write in order to, unfortunately, please an audience... What I had going on at the time for my characters and my comic were not the stories I wanted to tell... There were facets to my characters that I just didn't really care to show, I had written myself into a corner and landed very far from what I truly wanted... I was spinning my wheels to get something going and keep it going, but my muse wasn't budging. I was trying to please people, and I was failing myself.

I had come to this realization but couldn't put it all together at the time And before I could do that, real life got in the way. Suddenly I had to live “between the walls” so to speak as far as my living situation was concerned, and then gradually moved to another state entirely. I've not quit Altermeta. I've just needed some rest. I think I've been needing to look away for some time and just really get a fresh outlook on what I wanted, for myself. I've updated my comic through over 16 moves in my life, across four states, during two divorces, and drudged on through a couple of dark blots on the Altermeta community history that I personally will never forget. I was just momentarily defeated by trying to do something outside of my comic and realized that I am not good enough to do anything but that. I want to get back into doing it, but I'd honestly love it if I could just push a big reset button and erase all of the pages just after the “Ruler of the World” arc ended. There, I said it.

I hope that that makes things a little more clear about me and what I've been thru with my comics.

So yeah... I talked about something that in all honesty I'll probably regret that I posted in the morning.. well.. it is morning. I stayed up all night composing this so... here's to hoping for the best. I guess that will teach me not to write up big emotional stuff while sick and on PM cough medicine. =-p



PS: This journal isn't up for debate or argument. If this journal isn't for you, it just isn't for you, if that's the case please move along. Thanks.

deviantID

Noben

Artist | Digital Art
United States
Aside from commissions/fanart of OC's, all content in this gallery is my intellectual property and not to be used without my express permission.

Art streaming (and in stream commissions) can be found here: picarto.tv/Noben
Stream rules and commission information is in the tabs below the stream.

Married to the wonderfully wonderful :iconarcadefever:
Interests

What general time of day should I start streaming art so that you may catch it? I live in Central time zone. 

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40 deviants said 6 to 8 PM
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19 deviants said 9 to 10 PM
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15 deviants said 4 to 6 PM
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13 deviants said 2 to 4 PM
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11 deviants said Noon to 2 PM
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5 deviants said 10 AM to Noon
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5 deviants said Other
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3 deviants said 8 to 10 AM

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:iconweehawk99:
weehawk99 Featured By Owner 15 hours ago  Hobbyist
yay found you XD
*following intensifies*
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:iconalienator65:
alienator65 Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Like KlokwerkSolja said, dont let them get to you.
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:iconklokwerksolja:
KlokwerkSolja Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2016  Professional Interface Designer
Damn man, cheer up. Just saw one of your uploads and you seem to be letting some assholes get to you. People are dicks, it happens, don't let it ruin your art man, it's great stuff. :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconjacefox83:
JaceFox83 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016
happy birthday noben
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:iconamberflicker:
amberflicker Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Have a lovely birthday!
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